Text Re-cap

Here are a few notable text-message conversations between Samsonite, friend of the blog A. Bronzestein, and yours truly.

I.

A. Bronzestein (2:54pm) You losers doing anything for Samsonite’s birthday tonight?

Malonedies (2:56pm) Nah we all planned to ignore his calls and then bash his mailbox later in the night.

Malonedies (4:39pm) On second thought, in celebration of Samsonite’s birthday i’m going to break into his house late tonight wearing a Woopy Goldberg mask, running around wildly, with handfuls of cum, throwing the cum everywhere and screaming like a hyena.

A. Bronzestein (4:41pm) Fuck! We got him the same thing!

II.

A. Bronzestein: I’m tired of this flirting, when will you just be my girlfriend!

Malonedies: Once you man up and start bringing home the bacon

A. Bronzestein: I’ll pick you up Wendy’s baconator burgers every night, then shower you in bbq sauce and sweet n’ sour

Malonedies: Well, I’m really no interested in the whole ‘bf/gf’ thing right now – i’m more interested in master/slave relationships these days.. Like, I’m not trying to get tied up in a relationship with a boyfriend.. I’m trying to get tied up – and whipped – by a master.

A. Bronzestein: Yeah I’m not sure if I could tae on that type of committment, I mean I’m a pretty submissive and easily manipulated little pussy bitch. So if anything I’d be have to be the slave

Malonedies: Goddamn, what’s a bro got to do to find a decent master around here?

III.

Samsonite (1:17PM) We drivin to the citaaay tonight?

Malonedies(1:18pm) I’m gonna give A. Bronzedick a call in a few to ask what the parking sitch is. I definitely don’t want to risk getting a ticket, or getting fingered in an alleyway

Samsonite: Or both… my guess is there’ll be some street parking. Issue is whether we’ll be able to find a spot.

Malonedies: I could ask A. Bronzestein to lay himself out on the pavement and hold a spot for us all day

Samsonite: Tell him I’ll buy him whatever he wants from McDonald’s if he does.

Malonedies: He said it’s a deal: he wants a McRib sandwich with some extra processed possum-anus meat, and extra flavor dust in the sauce.