Author Archive

The Strawberry Strudel (Updated, Again)

Posted: November 29, 2010 by Scrambles in Sketches, True Stories

Only a few moments ago we were told of devastating news.  Our close friend and personal confidant, Minty Timmons has passed.  I was told he was caught in the crossfire of a massive coke deal gone wrong in ———-.   According to eye-witnesses approximately,  “…14 machine gun bullets were fired directly into his face, and 8 into his crotch…”.  Apparently Timmons didn’t die and he was witnessed by Malonedies as he, “…withered around on the ground in gut wrenching pain for around 12 hours before a bus driver found his body.”

I commented on how I was disappointed that he had died a virgin.  However, Malonedies assured me he wasn’t, “While he was on the ground after being shot 22 times I buttfucked him and came on his mangled face…I call it a strawberry strudel.”

Re-creations of the scenes were made for court, we managed to get our hands on one of the pictures digitally enhanced to show Malonedies performing the strawberry strudel on Minty Timmons’ face.

UPDATE: THIS JUST IN!

We have acquired this post-mortem photograph of Minty Timmons from the morgue. His eyes are cloudy because the pressure that was released from his brain swelling outwards (from the gunshots) caused his retina to dissolve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEW UPDATE: MT’s body has been incinerated at the Assumption Catholic Cremation Center in Mississuaga, Ontario. This final picture was snapped of his remains. RIP Minty Timmons

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A Pre-Thanksgiving Haiku

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Uncategorized

– I Love Thanksgiving –

– You Get to Gut the Turkey –

– Play With the Giblets

 

 

Nov.2010 Malonedies Texts (incomplete)

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Infamous Texts

Malonedies (11/21/10 – 4:10PM): I just realized I must have puked last night…Theres puke in my trashcan.  I def don’t remember being that fucked up though, or puking.  Did u puke in my trash?

——

Malonedies (11/20/10 – 7:00PM): Oh nice.  Well we should chug a’ lug some brewskies under my covers.  The four of us could have a pajama party.  No girls allowed

——

Malonedies (11/19/10 – 11:12AM): Do u happen to know any human traffickers?

Sent to Blanus

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Infamous Texts

Scrambles (11/21/10 – 3:24AM):  So fucked up shit now swerving everywhere

*should have texted:  ‘so fucked up  i’m actually trying to text right now’

Malonedies (10/21/10 – 8:23PM): You wanna shoot up draino and watch ‘the hills have eyes’?

——-

Malonedies (10/22/10 – 3:05PM):  Dude I was walking those dogs im getting paid to take care of back in the — woods today, and they mauled and killed a man.  It sounds weird, but I tried a few bites of his flesh too.  I couldn’t help myself…

——-

Malonedies (10/23/10 – 7:32PM):  I slept til 6pm today haha…I gotta stop doing that shit

——-

Malonedies (10/23/10 – 11:29PM): Nah his name was scooter, and I picked him up at the whiskey tavern

——-

Malonedies (10/25/10 – 10:41AM): You trying to get high one night this week and write some poetry for our blog and/or go hiking at some point, maybe boot some meth

Malonedies (10/25/10 – 10:45AM): It’s the perfect weather for a brisk fuck in the woods

——-

Malonedies (10/25/10 – 9:12PM): U should roll back to _______ tmrw…Theres some crazy shit going on

Malonedies (10/26/10 – 11:05AM): Theres some crazy shit going on tonight, you should roll back

Malonedies (10/26/10 – 11:36AM): Minty Timmons is gonna lip-sync a jonas brothers’ song with his b-hole, sams0nite is gonna take a milk-bath in my tub, and ive got wade and beer we can pour down the toilet

Malonedies (10/26/10 – 11:39AM): It’ll be like one big satanic ritual…at the end of it all I’ll cut Minty Timmons’ jugular and we’ll bleed him out into the tub and frolic in it

——

Blanus (10/27/10 – 8:19PM):  At party with Derek Jeter

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 8:21PM): Is he cute?

Blanus (10/27/10 – 8:25PM): Yea his girlfriend is even hotter

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 8:28PM):  See if you can put in a good word for me

Blanus (10/27/10 – 11:47PM): Eat shit

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 11:48PM): How was the party

Blanus (10/27/10 – 11:49PM): Ptetyyb cool.  I stole his wallet

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 12:01PM):  I call his metro card

This is my poop.

Posted: November 23, 2010 by Scrambles in Sketches

Ruby Dog – Some Christmas huh?

Posted: November 16, 2010 by Scrambles in Uncategorized

You goddamn fuck:

 

RUBYDOG HOMEPAGE

New RubyDog Homepage (still under construction)

 

Just had to post this:

Posted: November 12, 2010 by Scrambles in Uncategorized

This is a video of an event that happened a year ago but was posted on youtube.com about a month ago.  This woman named Erica Winchester from Mass. flies off the handle as she tries to give some unwanted mail to her postman.  Needless to say the words or some variation there-of: “you fucking theif nigger” comes up in it at least once.  Or let’s not forget the, “They’re going to kill you…”  “Who?”  “The white people…” comment.  This also woman co-runs a public speaking agency.  There are 2 parts to this video, Enjoy!

wtf

Posted: November 12, 2010 by Scrambles in Uncategorized

Boner Jamz 2010!!!!

Posted: November 10, 2010 by Scrambles in Sketches

Painted this a few minutes ago, I just had the inspiration to dance: