Malonedies was the after-spawn of a southern belle of a plantation owner in ____. His mother, the 10th of 22 daughters of a wealthy Georgian plantation owner. The father was a wealthy owner of a bank in Atlantic City and rarely got to see his wife. Melonedies’ mother had never wanted a baby, and had tried to personally abort the fetus, her failed attempts left Melonedies with a horribly disfigured forked penis.
Melonedies would later recount elementary and middle school experiences where southern black males would skip class and wait in the bathrooms where they would force kids to buy drugs and gang rape whoever was foolish enough not to buy their shit. Melonedies was a victim of one of these gang rapes but was released after they caught a look at this horribly disfigured forked penis.
After many failed relationships due to his forked penis he went on an alcoholic binge and went blind with rage, throttling his forked penis with his left hand and cutting it off with a pair of pruning shears with his right.
He disappeared for the next 6 years, many gave up on him, including his family, but me and the other guys knew he had to be out there. He left clues for us that he was still out there, every once in a while we’d get a picture text from an unknown number of a penis or vagina, or some other type of sexually explicit act, and we’d smile, knowing he was out there somewhere.
We later found out he spent the 6 years in Thailand as a gential-less sex show host/hooker.
Today Melonedies I’m happy to report has gotten surgery and is the proud owner of a semi-normal dick. A proud graduate of ____ he is now applying to many prestigious graduate schools. He currently lives in the high hills of _____________, ___ where he smokes pipes in a log cabin, reads philosophy, and tends to his flock of sheep.