Posted: January 28, 2011 by malonedies in Uncategorized

Folded Brilliance is Now V.I.P. Only

Posted: January 17, 2011 by malonedies in Uncategorized

Due to the fact that half of Westport now knows about this blog (as a result of a certain two or three people), the administrators have decided to make it private for the time being, at least until those responsible are detained, converted into gimps, and kept in cages for an indefinite period of time.

For now, have a little nibble of this text-message exchange between Blanus and yours truly:

Blanus (8:14 pm): What you doing?

Malonedies: Just eating pork, drinking a pork-shake and thinking about porking. You up to anything?

Blanus: Oh hot, I’m doing the same thing but with venison.

 

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!

Posted: December 22, 2010 by malonedies in Sketches

This year, give that special someone the gift she REALLY wants…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Banana Fudge Diarrhea Split

Posted: December 17, 2010 by Blanus in True Stories

Today’s recipe is all about cohesion. Making sure all ingredients meld together is essential for this dish:

You will need:
-1 banana
-2 gallons of ice cream
-a friend with a mallet
-your asshole

1. Place 1 banana on a table standing upright.

2. Eat 2 gallons of ice cream in under an hour.

3. Wait 15 minutes.

4. Step up on the table and place your buttocks upon the banana.

5. While on the table, asshole-hovering-over-banana, have your mallet wielding associate slam you on the head. This should simultaneously force the banana upwards into your rectum and push the fudge ice cream squirts out.

Serves 8.

Music To My Ears!

Posted: December 16, 2010 by sams0nite in Infamous Texts

A few of my close friends were presented with the ultimate opportunity to go see Sammy Adams (Boston’s Boy) in concert. Little did they know they would be meeting one of the most down to earth, level headed, influential artists of the 21st century.

Upon arriving to the concert they were immediately engulfed in a see of teenage boys (my friends are 23). With their VIP passes they were soon admitted to the bar section of the auditorium, they were the only ones allowed to drink. Later that night, they were lucky enough to meet and actually hang out with Mr. Sammy.

As his posse eagerly awaited his arrival they began smoking the herb and further intoxicating themselves with alcoholic beverages. Upon his entrance to the building he snapped his fingers and his minions went to work, blasting Sammy Adams – I Hate College, lifting him above their shoulders, feeding him grapes and catering to his every move.

Oh and the concert was in NYC…thought that was ironic.

As you can tell, the below conversation was sparked by a fantastic experience with a truly talented artist.

Runaway Bride 2 Announced

Posted: December 11, 2010 by Blanus in True Stories

The blockbuster success of Richard Gere’s masterpiece, Runaway Bride, has spawned a sequel dubbed Runaway Bride II. It’s doubtful a better movie will ever be made.

Truck-Stop Fuck

Posted: December 11, 2010 by malonedies in Sketches

Scrambles, you really are a sick fuck for creating this abhorrent picture. I can only imagine what other kinds of images weave their demented trails through the black forest that is your stream of consciousness…

Haiku of the Day

Posted: December 10, 2010 by malonedies in Poems

Take it in your hand

Feel its meandering shaft

Firm but gentle grip

Haiku of the Day

Posted: December 10, 2010 by malonedies in Poems

Starry night above

Tree branches frame the pale moon

I tug my penis

Milk Bath

Posted: December 7, 2010 by malonedies in Sketches