Archive for November, 2010

The Strawberry Strudel (Updated, Again)

Posted: November 29, 2010 by Scrambles in Sketches, True Stories

Only a few moments ago we were told of devastating news.  Our close friend and personal confidant, Minty Timmons has passed.  I was told he was caught in the crossfire of a massive coke deal gone wrong in ———-.   According to eye-witnesses approximately,  “…14 machine gun bullets were fired directly into his face, and 8 into his crotch…”.  Apparently Timmons didn’t die and he was witnessed by Malonedies as he, “…withered around on the ground in gut wrenching pain for around 12 hours before a bus driver found his body.”

I commented on how I was disappointed that he had died a virgin.  However, Malonedies assured me he wasn’t, “While he was on the ground after being shot 22 times I buttfucked him and came on his mangled face…I call it a strawberry strudel.”

Re-creations of the scenes were made for court, we managed to get our hands on one of the pictures digitally enhanced to show Malonedies performing the strawberry strudel on Minty Timmons’ face.

UPDATE: THIS JUST IN!

We have acquired this post-mortem photograph of Minty Timmons from the morgue. His eyes are cloudy because the pressure that was released from his brain swelling outwards (from the gunshots) caused his retina to dissolve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEW UPDATE: MT’s body has been incinerated at the Assumption Catholic Cremation Center in Mississuaga, Ontario. This final picture was snapped of his remains. RIP Minty Timmons

Oh Herro

Posted: November 28, 2010 by malonedies in Folded Brilliance, Sketches

This was produced on 11/27/2010, by Samsonite, Blanus, Malonedies, Scrambles, and, for once, a special female guest.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Pre-Thanksgiving Haiku

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Uncategorized

– I Love Thanksgiving –

– You Get to Gut the Turkey –

– Play With the Giblets

 

 

SNAKE IN THE GRASS!!!!

Posted: November 24, 2010 by malonedies in Sketches

What Droops Over the Stage after Play Rehearsal?

Posted: November 24, 2010 by malonedies in Sketches

Image Produced and © by: Scrambles, Blanus, Samsonite, and Malonedies

Nov.2010 Malonedies Texts (incomplete)

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Infamous Texts

Malonedies (11/21/10 – 4:10PM): I just realized I must have puked last night…Theres puke in my trashcan.  I def don’t remember being that fucked up though, or puking.  Did u puke in my trash?

——

Malonedies (11/20/10 – 7:00PM): Oh nice.  Well we should chug a’ lug some brewskies under my covers.  The four of us could have a pajama party.  No girls allowed

——

Malonedies (11/19/10 – 11:12AM): Do u happen to know any human traffickers?

Sent to Blanus

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Infamous Texts

Scrambles (11/21/10 – 3:24AM):  So fucked up shit now swerving everywhere

*should have texted:  ‘so fucked up  i’m actually trying to text right now’

Malonedies (10/21/10 – 8:23PM): You wanna shoot up draino and watch ‘the hills have eyes’?

——-

Malonedies (10/22/10 – 3:05PM):  Dude I was walking those dogs im getting paid to take care of back in the — woods today, and they mauled and killed a man.  It sounds weird, but I tried a few bites of his flesh too.  I couldn’t help myself…

——-

Malonedies (10/23/10 – 7:32PM):  I slept til 6pm today haha…I gotta stop doing that shit

——-

Malonedies (10/23/10 – 11:29PM): Nah his name was scooter, and I picked him up at the whiskey tavern

——-

Malonedies (10/25/10 – 10:41AM): You trying to get high one night this week and write some poetry for our blog and/or go hiking at some point, maybe boot some meth

Malonedies (10/25/10 – 10:45AM): It’s the perfect weather for a brisk fuck in the woods

——-

Malonedies (10/25/10 – 9:12PM): U should roll back to _______ tmrw…Theres some crazy shit going on

Malonedies (10/26/10 – 11:05AM): Theres some crazy shit going on tonight, you should roll back

Malonedies (10/26/10 – 11:36AM): Minty Timmons is gonna lip-sync a jonas brothers’ song with his b-hole, sams0nite is gonna take a milk-bath in my tub, and ive got wade and beer we can pour down the toilet

Malonedies (10/26/10 – 11:39AM): It’ll be like one big satanic ritual…at the end of it all I’ll cut Minty Timmons’ jugular and we’ll bleed him out into the tub and frolic in it

——

Blanus (10/27/10 – 8:19PM):  At party with Derek Jeter

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 8:21PM): Is he cute?

Blanus (10/27/10 – 8:25PM): Yea his girlfriend is even hotter

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 8:28PM):  See if you can put in a good word for me

Blanus (10/27/10 – 11:47PM): Eat shit

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 11:48PM): How was the party

Blanus (10/27/10 – 11:49PM): Ptetyyb cool.  I stole his wallet

Scrambles (10/27/10 – 12:01PM):  I call his metro card

This is my poop.

Posted: November 23, 2010 by Scrambles in Sketches

Fruitbasket

Posted: November 23, 2010 by malonedies in Sketches

Fruitbasket (n): The act — typically performed by a male — of bending over, tucking the genitalia between the legs, and squeezing the legs so the genitalia protrude from beneath the buttocks, usually with one testicle on top of the other (the penis-head resembling a mini-apple and the nuts resembling rather hairy kiwi fruits).

Example: “My bro Giorgio was bitching at me for drinking the last Miller High Life, so when he came back from the refrigerator, I had a fruit basket waiting for him!”

(Oxford English Dictionary, 22nd Edition. ©2005)