Thought of the Day

Posted: December 5, 2010 by malonedies in True Stories

Every once in awhile, the road of life requires us to negotiate particularly tricky twists and turns, forks, and so many branchings. Today, I came to a crossroads.

It was around 2 o’clock on a blustery December afternoon. My friend – I’ll use the generic name ‘Tim’ – asked if he could borrow my glass pipe, which I occasionally use as a device for smoking marijuana. Apparently Tim had acquired some marijuana, yet lacked a means to ingest it. Since I knew I probably wouldn’t be using the pipe for the next week or two, I said “sure.” At this point all that was left to do was arrange the logistics of the pick up.

Tim said he’d be over in a few hours to pick up the pipe. I told him that if I had to run out for any reason, I would put the pipe inside a small wooden box and then place that box in my mailbox (since today is Sunday, the mailman wouldn’t be coming by, and assuredly would not be receiving an early Christmas bonus in the form of a dainty glass pipe). Anyway, as soon as I told Tim the bowl would be waiting in a small wooden box in my mailbox, an absolutely genius idea flashed before my mind’s eye, like a streak of lightening illuminating a jet-black summer sky.

About two months ago, my younger sister was given a hamster by one of her friends. It lived for a few weeks but died suddenly, so I agreed to help her bury it in a small wooden box in our back yard. As soon as the words ‘small wooden box’ rolled off my tongue during my conversation with Tim, I glimpsed a major opportunity. I could go out back, dig up the hamster’s coffin, dust the dirt and soil off of it, and place it gently in my mailbox. Tim would arrive and see the small box in my mailbox just like he had expected to, and then swiftly take the box back to his house, where Samsonite and some other friends were waiting and itching to get high. Assuming the smell wouldn’t tip him off before he got back home, Tim would likely ascend his stairs, greet his young friends, and proceed to open the box in order to pack the pipe he was expecting to find. Instead, Tim would be greeted with the small, rotting skeleton-corpse of a decaying hamster. He would likely recoil in disgust and drop the box on the ground, which would cause the hamster-corpse to roll out onto the floor. Equally shocked and disgusted, his friends would likely jump to the conclusion that Tim had finally gone totally insane.

So, the choice was ready to be made. Should I give Tim the pipe, or should I give him the hamster?

I decided on the hamster.

A Very Gimp Christmas

Posted: December 5, 2010 by Blanus in Poems

Christmas is a time of joy,

A time for love and cheer,

A time for making memories,

With my Gimp chained and near

Merry Christmas!

A Day at the Petting Zoo

Posted: December 3, 2010 by malonedies in True Stories

My 7 year old cousin – let’s call him ‘Johnny’ – is visiting for the weekend,  and as I was driving him to see Twilight XIV at the movie theater, we both noticed a (barely visible) sign that said “Petting Zoo” set slightly off the road.

Johnny insisted that we stop, and I figured I’d rather see a few animals than watch some lame vampire movie. Anyway, we were both in for quite a surprise…..

 

 

 

 

 

First off, there were strangely a lot of canines, which surprised me because I expected to see the usual llamas, goats, pigs, or whatever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s another one in a kennel. I think they might be related.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next, there were men riding what seemed to be peacocks, but I was told they were ‘ponies.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s the type of pony I recognize:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next, we moved on to the feline area, where we got to play with this very friendly sphinx cat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However, it was only when we got to the ‘reptile house’ that I got a little creeped out. Here’s a scary snake – I think it’s a rattlesnake:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once we left the reptile house, we made our way to the marine tank, and to my surprise, this petting zoo had two killer whales!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally, on our way out, there was a nice man bidding us farewell:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll never forget our day at the petting zoo!

Thought of the Day

Posted: December 2, 2010 by malonedies in True Stories

Thought of the Day

For two years now, our beloved blog contributor, Scrambles, has been a member of an international social network known as ‘Chubs and Chasers’ – a social network dedicated to matching normal-sized men who fetishize extremely and horrendously fat and flabby gay men, with the Chub of their dreams. Similar to a Bear, a Chub has his own niche marked out in gay culture, and it is Chubs and Chasers’ job to get him out into the open where he can be actively ‘chased’ by a chaser like Scrambles. Here’s an example of a typical chub:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many people mock Scrambles for his fetish; they call him a “sick, twisted pervert” and a “faggot.” We here at FoldedBrilliance, however, commend Scrambles for following – or should we say ‘chasing’? – his dream. In fact, we’re all chasing dreams of our own.

Blanus, for instance, is chasing fast cars, cocaine, and above all, his dream of achieving success in the fast-paced corporate world of New York City.

Minty Timmons (RIP), before his death, was also chasing life in the fast lane, albeit in his own way. This mainly meant doing large amounts of cocaine and flirting with young children – usually both activities simultaneously – at his place of work and in his leisure time.

Samsonite, as one might infer from his profile picture, is chasing his dream of becoming a famous athlete. He was born an athlete and hopes to die an athlete.

As for me, well, I chase the dragon to ward off my chronic case of Bieber-Fever…

Text Re-Cap

Posted: December 2, 2010 by malonedies in Infamous Texts

Conversation between Malonedies and ex-member of the blog, Minty Timmons. This conversation occured shortly before MT died in a tragic shootout that resulted from a cocaine deal gone bad in Connecticut’s largest city.

Malonedies (12:00 pm): Have you caught a case of the Bieber-Fever like I have?

Minty Timmons (12:28 pm): Dude, of course. It’s gonna be hard going out this weekend.

Malonedies: Yeah, I need to call my doctor and tell him how I overheat everytime I see pics of JB, or hear the sweet chirp of his boyish, pre-pubescent voice.

Malonedies: Maybe he can prescribe us some meds to cure the fever….

Minty Timmons: Yeah whatever the opposite of Viagra is will be just fine for me

Malonedies: Yeah I’ve got some stuff that will practically invert your boner into a vagina… But I dunno if that’ll cure the Fever

Minty Timmons: Well fuck it’ll help… get at me if you wanna do something later

Malonedies: Yeah, I’ll sling some cum your way. When’s your lunchbreak? I’ll barrel down main street in my car, lean out the window and give you a man-chowder surprise straight to the face

Minty Timmons: Hahah miraculously i’m not working, you can give one to my boss Melinda though, I see her drinking cum shakes all the time

My Christmas List for Santa

Posted: December 1, 2010 by malonedies in Uncategorized

Dear Santa,

First off, I have to admit it: this year, I’ve been a bad boy. I’m talking reeeeeal naughty. That’s why for Christmas, I think I deserve this gimp horse suit. It is made of latex and has a 1 year limited warranty.

The Strawberry Strudel (Updated, Again)

Posted: November 29, 2010 by Scrambles in Sketches, True Stories

Only a few moments ago we were told of devastating news.  Our close friend and personal confidant, Minty Timmons has passed.  I was told he was caught in the crossfire of a massive coke deal gone wrong in ———-.   According to eye-witnesses approximately,  “…14 machine gun bullets were fired directly into his face, and 8 into his crotch…”.  Apparently Timmons didn’t die and he was witnessed by Malonedies as he, “…withered around on the ground in gut wrenching pain for around 12 hours before a bus driver found his body.”

I commented on how I was disappointed that he had died a virgin.  However, Malonedies assured me he wasn’t, “While he was on the ground after being shot 22 times I buttfucked him and came on his mangled face…I call it a strawberry strudel.”

Re-creations of the scenes were made for court, we managed to get our hands on one of the pictures digitally enhanced to show Malonedies performing the strawberry strudel on Minty Timmons’ face.

UPDATE: THIS JUST IN!

We have acquired this post-mortem photograph of Minty Timmons from the morgue. His eyes are cloudy because the pressure that was released from his brain swelling outwards (from the gunshots) caused his retina to dissolve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEW UPDATE: MT’s body has been incinerated at the Assumption Catholic Cremation Center in Mississuaga, Ontario. This final picture was snapped of his remains. RIP Minty Timmons

Oh Herro

Posted: November 28, 2010 by malonedies in Folded Brilliance, Sketches

This was produced on 11/27/2010, by Samsonite, Blanus, Malonedies, Scrambles, and, for once, a special female guest.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Pre-Thanksgiving Haiku

Posted: November 24, 2010 by Scrambles in Uncategorized

– I Love Thanksgiving –

– You Get to Gut the Turkey –

– Play With the Giblets